Unacceptable, Yet Accepted...

This past weekend Micah and I were talking and at one point he asked me, "You do realize you are not acceptable?" He paused and then added, "But you are accepted!" This idea is a new reality to me and it is a rather freeing thought for someone who has worked HARD to be perfect -- and has come to understand that perfection is impossible! It is thrilling for someone who believed the lie that they had to be perfect to be loved and had come to the conclusion that they are unlovable because they are not perfect. The striving to prove worth is exhausting and fruitless (and pointless) - let me tell you I have spent my 33 years giving everything, every bit of energy I had for it only to discover my striving was for vain... I could never, ever, ever obtain an A+... in fact all I could ever gain was a F-----.... 

Yesterday, I had a texting conversation with a friend.  He asked why I loved my children?  I shared with him that I was currently looking for someone to adopt them... he pushed further... Why do you love them...?  Why do you love them when they are unlovable and are definitely not bringing you "glory"! (he was seeking to understand why God loves us when we do NOT bring Him glory)?  My friend had been in our home earlier in the week when the kids were both passionately living in the flesh -- screaming, being selfish, grumpy, self absorbed, fighting, demanding, throwing temper tantrums, stubborn, arguing... completely UNLOVABLE!

JUST PLAIN NOT FUN TO BE AROUND AT ALL!!!!  

It reminded me of Micah and I's conversation.  They are completely unacceptable, unlovable... yet I still embrace them, accept them, and love them because I have been entrusted with their little lives and they are "mine"... I don't understand why God has accepted me.  I am unacceptable and unlovable... and yet I have worth because He chose me.  He accepted me... He loves me. 

The essence of the gospel... a beautiful thing!    

I read a quote in Peacekeeper by Ken Sande, "I realized that I could not consistently weave the gospel into my conversations with others until the gospel was woven deeply into my own heart. God showed me that I am a natural "law speaker;" I bring judgement much more easily than I bring grace.  When I saw this, I began praying for God to give me a major heart change, to make the gospel central to everything I think, say, and do."  

I want this... I am a "law speaker"... but I long to have the gospel woven deeply into my heart... so I "wife" with grace, parent with grace, friend with grace... live with grace.     

Collaging... My Mom sent a box of pictures... it is the kids new art box -- they think it is marvelous!

I sure needed a huge dose of GRACE this week.  I realize how little patience I have when faced with constant chaos. The kids were hurting this week -- sick, tired, grumpy... it is much more pleasant to be around happy, compliant kids (btw... I don't have any of those), but I am thankful for times like these because it reveals my own selfish heart.  I don't want to just love them when they are "lovable", but to be able to love when it is hard.  To serve when I don't feel like serving anymore.  

When they watch movies... they like to be close... it is cute until they start to poke each other...

 We survived the week.  Lots of medicine, a trip to the doctor to discover a ear infection, more medicine, long naps, coughs, kleenex, PJ days, simple food, and LOTS of movies.  We snuggled, hugged, kissed... and made it through...

 Our simple art project:  I put out a box of cut out magazine pictures, their art trays, and a glue stick... "go crazy" I told them!  When I am working on little sleep... I'm not that creative!

 Notice the cotton ball in Eden's ear?  Ethan was the one with the ear ache... and since he got the "privilege" of having garlic oil put in his ear... Eden needed some too!  She kept the cotton balls in her ears ALL day long!

 A simple science project: We finally cut open our pumpkin and cooked it.  It was starting to dry out.  I have been meaning to cook it since November, but it gets out of sight and out of mind. The kids loved pulling out the seeds and playing with the stringy insides... we'll cook the seeds today... sometime?

I am thankful for the healing that has happened in our lives this week.  I am glad to see appetites come back, coughs clearing up, fevers gone... I like hearing laughter and constant chatter. I am thankful for how God is continuing to weave the gospel into my heart and mind... and I pray He continues the weaving until it is more apart of my life... I want to be a "grace speaker!"

"But God demonstrated His own love for us in this:  

while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8)