Here is #1: January - April...
I have heard it said that it is always darkest right before dawn... not sure where that expression came from, but it is fitting for the beginning of our 2011! Last year at this time we were in agony... trying to sort through the confusion mixed with our emotions... Although the death of "our dream" had begun months -- even years before, the whole process was a gradual/slow/painful death. Thinking back to our college days and the evening we spent dreaming about our life together... a wilderness/discipleship ministry is where we imagined ourself for the rest of our days. Another Prof had said to be a fragrance where ever you are called... and have the wisdom to leave before you begin to stink. No matter what we tried, how hard we tried, what questions we asked, thoughts we came up with... it was met with opposition... we began to wonder if we were beginning to stink. We realized we were becoming sick, in need of mentoring, encouragement, feeding... we were starting to stink.
Even now it is hard to look at pictures from this time. It was dark, lonely... the most painful season of my life. Now that I am in counseling I realize how sick my mind was... I was trying to survive... I was DOING all the right things, SAYING all the right things, but I was dying on the inside! I tried to hide the tears from the kids... we dove into activities, had adventures and HONESTLY this blog kept me alive. I had something to report... something good to write about... memories to record... good things to think about and be thankful for -- It was the life in our house! I am thankful for each of your comments, prayers... notes of encouragement and support.
Each one was VALUABLE!
During these months Ethan was attending preschool a couple days a week and loved it! Eden and I had special moments when we had the house to ourselves. The kids drew, made messes, played outside... got into LOTS of trouble... Ethan started (for the 5th time) to become potty trained... We finally were successful (although lately.... again... I would beg to differ!)! We took several trips to Bozeman... looking at houses - apartments, jobs... sorting out if a move would work.
While Micah led a group of students to Denver for Spring Break the kids and I went to Reno to visit Grampie and Grammie... it was a wild week... ending with a flu bug, BUT before the flu bug... we played in the snow, went to several different parks, Ethan got to ride a ferris wheel with Grampie... and we visited the cousins for a few fun-packed days... it was a bright spot in our spring... and a nice time to get away from the home that had become a dark prison.
We are thankful that we learned a valuable lesson during this dark time and that is WE CAN'T SURVIVE WITHOUT COMMUNITY! Nor do we ever want to be in another place where there is a lack of accountability, review, and support... it was a hard lesson to learn. It is the darkest before dawn... I know this post is probably depressing... and it should be it was an extremely DEPRESSING time! But know the morning light will pierce through the darkness... there is HOPE and that is more than I could say during this season of life...
As I was going through all the January - April 2011 pictures... I found some pictures I had taken of things I baked, cooked and made... I think in another life I will be a food photographer.... or a chef...
3 comments:
That almost seems so long ago that things were so "dark and bleak" and we were having multiple conversations about, well, life and what exactly God was up to! Regardless of that dark time, just look at those precious faces of your kiddos! That will bring a smile no matter what "time" of life you may be in--love your thoughts as always my friend!!
And I think you should be a chef or food photographer in this life...you're amazing! :)
Christa, I am so glad that you guys are now in a different place (both physically and emotionally). I know that was a difficult season of your life, and I am so glad that God has led you to a new place. He's doing new things! And even more amazingly, He will redeem even the darkest moments for his glory!
I will be praying for good strong in the Word friends for you. People you can plug into and become a family with. Im glad you are out of the dark place and are coming into the light. (never did like MWSB anyway) :) I bet it's nice to closer to schools nad church and stores now, though!
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